Life these days... Go to work as the sun sets, taking the same route and arriving an hour early for preparation. Queue up for my uniform, change, walk like a million miles to the scheduling place, check what game I'm at, groan/sigh/roll-my-eyes, drag meself to me locker, get a drink of water, report in to a pissed and tired pit manager, start shift, get bored, mind wanders, make stupid mistake cos not paying attention, wonder how long am I gonna do this, finally get a break after 2 hours or so, grab whatever food/liquid, go back to finish my shift, smile when it's over, check out when the sun is about to rise. Then I slowly make my way home, sleep, wake up at around 3-4pm and do it all over again.
I know this is similar to what a lot of people go through but I gotta tell you, working night shift and having to do the main part of your job with people staring at you (you can't slack off or dig your nose or whatever) really takes it out of you... So far I've always stayed at my job for only about 6 months and I thought I might be able to really stick this one out. But like a lot of my colleagues, we're getting kinda bored! And totally losing patience with the management. I think we're being very kind and understanding that they're new and figuring things out but if they don't sort things out by the 3rd month that we're open..... Be prepared to hold another recruitment drive!
Ok, enough about work... I do have a life!!!
Cos of my schedule, I haven't been able to see my friends so much. Cos when they're working, I'm sleeping and when I'm sleeping they're working (I sound like a broken record). I think the last friend I met up with was Kal at the beginning of April. And bestie.... haven't seen her since her birthday! During training my off day was Sun and I know she has church and her boyfriend so I don't wanna disturb her and now that I started work... Sigh.... really got no chance to meet up. But she was the first one to ask of any birthday plans so thanks girl! At least I know someone out there other than my mum will celebrate my birthday for me and I appreciate it so much! :)
Movie watching is still going fine. The Back Up Plan was not bad.... But anytime I see Jennifer Lopez try to pass off as a working class, ordinary woman it just makes me not bother about the film. Ha... To me its like a Poodle trying to pass off as a chihuaha or something... it doesn't make sense!
Watched Robin Hood today and I think it was a nice film.... Think because I fell asleep a lot! We watched the 4.50pm show which to a lot of people is a nice time but to me it feels like 8am! Anyway, what I did see I liked. Confused about casting Cate Blanchett though... I mean, is Robin Hood's girlfriend supposed to look like a pretty 40-year old who needs a lil more makeup? She delivers feist and class perfectly but what's up with the look for the character? Gotta do more research before I judge... And Russell Crowe gave a good performance as usual. He does look like he's frowning a lot though.... hmm.... Oh and I think Gerard Butler would make a better Robin Hood. But with Ridley Scott as the director, I don't think anyone stood a chance!
Lastly, I rented Post Grad and I really liked it! Its about his girl, 22, just graduated from college and learns that things won't go her way like she planned. She then goes on a journey to discover what's really important in life. It's a simple movie but it kinda has an indie feel to it and I'm a sucker for those kind of movies!
I'm turning 22 in one week! Don't even know how to feel about that! Except... soon I can say that I'm in my mid twenties! Yikes! It seems like only yesterday that I was in my teens!!!!
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Friday, April 30, 2010
New Beginnings
Well, it's definitely no secret that the Casino opened recently. I was working on that day... night shift from 8pm to 6am. When I saw my schedule, I was like... wtf??? Haha... So I slept as usual the night before and took a nap in the afternoon and managed to survive my first night shift! Although by 5am I was pretty tired...
The first game I dealt was Blackjack. I was happy that I got that cos it's the one I was most confident in (and the most recent game we learnt). First guest... took her $50 within a minute of her sitting down! She looked at me, said ''oei'' then walked away.
Second guest... 2 kind of chee-ko-pek men in their 40's and 50's. Asked me ''xiao mei ji sui? 22 ah? yi ding hui hen hao de hor?'' Ewwwwwww..... I wish someone else would've seen the way they were looking at me, moving their eyes up and down and raising their eyebrows. I would've shuddered with disgust if I wasn't so darn nervous! Haha....
Surprisingly, it wasn't as packed as I thought it'd be! I thought it'd be full house but there were some empty tables here and there and I was one of them. Cos I kept taking their money.... I got to deal Baccarat after that and I even took their money there! So I was at my empty table with nothing to do. When guests would sit down, I'd be kinda glad! More glad than nervous for something to do! It got to a point where I was kinda hoping the guests would win money so they wouldn't walk away! But then again, I'd only been a dealer for one night at the point so it'd be interesting to see what I would prefer a few months down the road...
I was exhausted by the time my shift ended. First time I worked night shift and it was OT some more... I clocked in when the sun was setting and clocked out when the sun rised. Boy, that really throws your body clock off! Went to get some breakfast with colleagues in Orchard then slowly but surely made my way home. It's weird to go home when everyone else is on their way to work. What follows is the first time that it has ever happened to me.
You know how they say you don't know how tired you are until you sit down? Well, I got a seat at Tanjong Pagar. I fell asleep almost immediately. Woke up for a few seconds when the train got to Buona Vista. Thought I could sleep for a while more... The next thing I knew, a rather rude MRT driver was using his keys to knock on the railing beside me and telling me to get off the train at....... Joo Koon station! OMG! I actually slept through all the ridiculously loud MRT announcements and people getting on and off the train long enough to reach the end of the line and the driver had to wake me up! I ran out of the train as quickly as possible and took the train back. HAHA! Then I got to thinking... why didn't anyone wake me up? Did everyone get off the train before Joo Koon? Cos if I saw someone dead asleep and the train/bus was at the last already, I'd wake the person up cos I don't want him/her to be alone or something, you know? It could maybe be dangerous! And worse... what if the person wasn't asleep? There could've been some medical complications along the way or something!
I'm going to work on Friday night... again. Another OT. And this time it's a weekend. Public holiday weekend! Ah! Boy, I'm gonna need my strength that night! I end at 8am, just in time to see the lovely sunrise at Marina Bay!
This really is a new beginning for me. My third job and I'm conquering my fear of counting. Lucky I have my lovely colleagues to go through this with. Recently we've been bonding a lot, going out for dinner and a lot of karaoke! So much so that I'm actually out over $100 cos of the spending and taxi taking! Hoping to save as much as possible when my pay comes in!
The first game I dealt was Blackjack. I was happy that I got that cos it's the one I was most confident in (and the most recent game we learnt). First guest... took her $50 within a minute of her sitting down! She looked at me, said ''oei'' then walked away.
Second guest... 2 kind of chee-ko-pek men in their 40's and 50's. Asked me ''xiao mei ji sui? 22 ah? yi ding hui hen hao de hor?'' Ewwwwwww..... I wish someone else would've seen the way they were looking at me, moving their eyes up and down and raising their eyebrows. I would've shuddered with disgust if I wasn't so darn nervous! Haha....
Surprisingly, it wasn't as packed as I thought it'd be! I thought it'd be full house but there were some empty tables here and there and I was one of them. Cos I kept taking their money.... I got to deal Baccarat after that and I even took their money there! So I was at my empty table with nothing to do. When guests would sit down, I'd be kinda glad! More glad than nervous for something to do! It got to a point where I was kinda hoping the guests would win money so they wouldn't walk away! But then again, I'd only been a dealer for one night at the point so it'd be interesting to see what I would prefer a few months down the road...
I was exhausted by the time my shift ended. First time I worked night shift and it was OT some more... I clocked in when the sun was setting and clocked out when the sun rised. Boy, that really throws your body clock off! Went to get some breakfast with colleagues in Orchard then slowly but surely made my way home. It's weird to go home when everyone else is on their way to work. What follows is the first time that it has ever happened to me.
You know how they say you don't know how tired you are until you sit down? Well, I got a seat at Tanjong Pagar. I fell asleep almost immediately. Woke up for a few seconds when the train got to Buona Vista. Thought I could sleep for a while more... The next thing I knew, a rather rude MRT driver was using his keys to knock on the railing beside me and telling me to get off the train at....... Joo Koon station! OMG! I actually slept through all the ridiculously loud MRT announcements and people getting on and off the train long enough to reach the end of the line and the driver had to wake me up! I ran out of the train as quickly as possible and took the train back. HAHA! Then I got to thinking... why didn't anyone wake me up? Did everyone get off the train before Joo Koon? Cos if I saw someone dead asleep and the train/bus was at the last already, I'd wake the person up cos I don't want him/her to be alone or something, you know? It could maybe be dangerous! And worse... what if the person wasn't asleep? There could've been some medical complications along the way or something!
I'm going to work on Friday night... again. Another OT. And this time it's a weekend. Public holiday weekend! Ah! Boy, I'm gonna need my strength that night! I end at 8am, just in time to see the lovely sunrise at Marina Bay!
This really is a new beginning for me. My third job and I'm conquering my fear of counting. Lucky I have my lovely colleagues to go through this with. Recently we've been bonding a lot, going out for dinner and a lot of karaoke! So much so that I'm actually out over $100 cos of the spending and taxi taking! Hoping to save as much as possible when my pay comes in!
Friday, April 16, 2010
Bad movie experience but great movie
I had the worst movie experience today... and I'm not gonna be shy about it.
The movie itself was great, excellent! But the thing that destroyed the earlier part of my day was... the bloody cinema! Or, to be more specific, the management at the cinema! Singapore only has like 5 major cinema operations and this one is one of 2 that I don't like. The cinema is at... West Mall. Enough said. Singaporeans should know the place well and I think they might've had their own experiences too....
Its early on a Thursday afternoon. Mum and I now watch movies on Thursdays before I go to work cos it suits both our schedules well. We caught the 11am showing of Shutter Island. Here's what went wrong...
The movie itself was great, excellent! But the thing that destroyed the earlier part of my day was... the bloody cinema! Or, to be more specific, the management at the cinema! Singapore only has like 5 major cinema operations and this one is one of 2 that I don't like. The cinema is at... West Mall. Enough said. Singaporeans should know the place well and I think they might've had their own experiences too....
Its early on a Thursday afternoon. Mum and I now watch movies on Thursdays before I go to work cos it suits both our schedules well. We caught the 11am showing of Shutter Island. Here's what went wrong...
- Management screwed up the movie timing for the staff so they ended up screening the show earlier than they were supposed so they had to rewind the film (which apparently takes some time). Therefore....
- Movie started at 11.28am instead of 11am. No one official came in to tell us it was gonna be delayed, just some normal staff who said it was only gonna be ''5 more minutes''
- The first 5 minutes or so, they had the wrong... lens or something so the actors were all squashed up, heads cut off as well as subtitles.... (t felt like watching a pirated movie or something) Oh, get this.... the lights were on as well!
- About 3/4 through the show, the projectionist screwed up again. The bottom half of the film was at the top and vice versa. This carried on for about 5 min at a point in the film where things were getting discovered.
- Show ended and immediately after the first name was shown on the credits, they cut it off. The was no picture and no sound for about 30 seconds. Then the credits continued but I couldn't remember if there was sound cos I was kinda busy storming out of there. Later, I overheard that they probably cut off the credit cos they were rushing for the next movie to start. (Do I f***ing care???)
- Staff were not apologetic at all. AT ALL. They still insisted on us exiting through the front of the cinema and their faces looked, dare I say, irritated even! When my mum mentioned about the horrible service we experienced, they just blamed the management. I mean, there's gotta be some kinda manager there right? Not even a lil compensation or even a full f***ing refund?
They should thank their lucky stars that the 15-20 unfortunate patrons that morning did not make a big fuss like we could have. Mum and I worked in service line before and we know what it's like when things go wrong so we didn't wanna make things difficult for them when it's not their fault. Funny cos this isn't the first time that we had bad experiences at that cinema chain. They often forget to turn off their lights in the beginning; once the film just stopped halfway then continued on 5 min later; they blind your eyes after you've been sitting in a dark theatre for 2 hours by turning on the spotlights IMMEDIATELY after the show ends and most of the staff there really look like they are not happy to be there and might spit in your popcorn if you say something wrong!
Why, just recently, my friend and I were late for a movie cos we had to wait 15 min to get drinks! There was only 1 bloody counter open and they were really slow.
Today did it for me... I'm not visiting that cinema for quite some time if I can help it! DON'T GO TO THE CINEMA AT WEST MALL!!! And perhaps the other branches as well (I've only been to the other one at Suntec) You pay the same price at other places and get service 10 times better!!!
P.S. Go watch Shutter Island tho... it's a fantastic psychological thriller and a great homage to the film noir style. Stellar performance from DiCaprio, as usual great directing from Scorsese and I love the raw editing! Although, as one who watches a lot of movies, I kinda guessed the plot (correctly) from the first clue... Watch it!
Monday, April 12, 2010
Thinking + movies = movies that make you think
Well, what do ya know... Just a day or 2 after I posted the last post, I casually asked my mum if she'd allow me to go overseas by myself. Almost immediately, she said no! I mean... wth. I think I am pretty responsible for someone my age and can somewhat take care of myself and most people who know me would agree! Mum said that she trusts me but I just lack experience in travelling so she won't allow me to go. Well, how am I supposed to get the experience then? Sigh... I'm sure someday I'd understand how she feels when I'm a parent myself, but for now its just agonizing feelings, confusion and distrust that I'll have to keep my mind busy...
Work is going grreat... Really bonding with my colleagues so now it doesn't really feel like going to work. Like going to meet my friends! And it helps that I literally spend the whole day playing games! Currently learning Blackjack so its a whole day of counting numbers over and over... Nice to play and win/lose fake money!
Even tho I'm working now, I still can't give up my movies! And so mum and I have taken to watching movies before my work starts. I start around 3.30pm so plenty of time to catch a show before that. Recently, I was dissappointed with Clash of the Titans. The trailer was so promising but the show was... confusing. Like it couldn't decide which genre it wanted to be in... 3d spectacular? Comedy? Fantastic remake? Greek mythology references galore? Like, really similar to the characters in Percy Jackson? Haha... sorry, I know the original movie was eons ago but Percy Jackson did come out before this new one.
2 shows talked about the same thing... Forgiveness. Remember Me and A Single Man were 2 very different stories but they were all about forgiving and moving on before its too late. They show how your emotion can overrule every logical bone in your body and keep you in a prison of self-loathing and dicontentment. Its so true... cos we have such a short time on earth, if you don't let go of things, you'll just be stuck and never move on. Out of the 2, I prefer Remember me... not cos of Robert (I felt I was watching Edward Cullen for awhile) but cos the story was well written. And it was about a 22 year old which I find fiction and movies don't really talk too much about that age!
In a spending spree since I got my pay... wasn't much to spend but to go from having almost $0 to 4 digits is sooooo satisfying! :)
Work is going grreat... Really bonding with my colleagues so now it doesn't really feel like going to work. Like going to meet my friends! And it helps that I literally spend the whole day playing games! Currently learning Blackjack so its a whole day of counting numbers over and over... Nice to play and win/lose fake money!
Even tho I'm working now, I still can't give up my movies! And so mum and I have taken to watching movies before my work starts. I start around 3.30pm so plenty of time to catch a show before that. Recently, I was dissappointed with Clash of the Titans. The trailer was so promising but the show was... confusing. Like it couldn't decide which genre it wanted to be in... 3d spectacular? Comedy? Fantastic remake? Greek mythology references galore? Like, really similar to the characters in Percy Jackson? Haha... sorry, I know the original movie was eons ago but Percy Jackson did come out before this new one.
2 shows talked about the same thing... Forgiveness. Remember Me and A Single Man were 2 very different stories but they were all about forgiving and moving on before its too late. They show how your emotion can overrule every logical bone in your body and keep you in a prison of self-loathing and dicontentment. Its so true... cos we have such a short time on earth, if you don't let go of things, you'll just be stuck and never move on. Out of the 2, I prefer Remember me... not cos of Robert (I felt I was watching Edward Cullen for awhile) but cos the story was well written. And it was about a 22 year old which I find fiction and movies don't really talk too much about that age!
In a spending spree since I got my pay... wasn't much to spend but to go from having almost $0 to 4 digits is sooooo satisfying! :)
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Settling in nicely
Work is great! I actually look forward to going to work sometimes! I think cos we spend so much time otgether, 6 days a week, learning and going through the same things together, I really bonded with my colleagues! It really feels like school there... you have to report on time, no allowance given, if you're late you have to let your trainer know and you even have to let them know you're going to the toilet!
Mum and dad went to Beijing last week. They came back today. I think its cos of my cousins and colleagues that made the absence of them quite enjoyable! Don't get me wrong, I did miss them especially when I come home to a considerably quieter house, but I maybe would never have had all the fun moments and memories this past week if they were in Singapore! Now that mum's back, I gotta be more guai again and do my duty as a daughter! Ha.
Since I didn't wanna spend Sunday alone, I invited my cousins over for an overnight ''mahjong session''. Boy, it was anything BUT a mahjong session! We ended up playing drinking games and about 6 hours after they arrived, at about 6am, we were pretty much all passed out! Haha... Cousin Jonathan came over and I was really glad we did cos we never really spent much time together before. And cousins Ruyi and Jac brought their friend Kate over too. Kate was the very nice turn of events especially for my dear lil cousin Fran! Haha... he might have to thank me if it all works out! :) I really love it when life takes an unexpected turn and suddenly a whole new era of great things just begin!
I love the way I took care of myself when my parents were not around! I hope I've shown mum that I'm not a little girl anymore and I can handle myself. With that and the way I totally took care of her when we went KL, I hope she can allow me to go overseas with friends or cousins in the future. *crossing fingers*
Love ya cousins! Peace! :)
Mum and dad went to Beijing last week. They came back today. I think its cos of my cousins and colleagues that made the absence of them quite enjoyable! Don't get me wrong, I did miss them especially when I come home to a considerably quieter house, but I maybe would never have had all the fun moments and memories this past week if they were in Singapore! Now that mum's back, I gotta be more guai again and do my duty as a daughter! Ha.
Since I didn't wanna spend Sunday alone, I invited my cousins over for an overnight ''mahjong session''. Boy, it was anything BUT a mahjong session! We ended up playing drinking games and about 6 hours after they arrived, at about 6am, we were pretty much all passed out! Haha... Cousin Jonathan came over and I was really glad we did cos we never really spent much time together before. And cousins Ruyi and Jac brought their friend Kate over too. Kate was the very nice turn of events especially for my dear lil cousin Fran! Haha... he might have to thank me if it all works out! :) I really love it when life takes an unexpected turn and suddenly a whole new era of great things just begin!
I love the way I took care of myself when my parents were not around! I hope I've shown mum that I'm not a little girl anymore and I can handle myself. With that and the way I totally took care of her when we went KL, I hope she can allow me to go overseas with friends or cousins in the future. *crossing fingers*
Love ya cousins! Peace! :)
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
First days of activity
Yesterday was my orientation. Boy, a whole lot of briefing was done! Today, Tuesday was the first day of training. So far its alright. I don't really like the beginning part when everyone is still shy and not really talkative... So far the people are nice. Not a whole lot of them are my year... A lot of mid twenties and above. And a significant amount of aunties and uncles! Like my mum and dad's age! And they even speak the hokkien exactly like them. Quite a whole lot of foreigners... The usual suspects la... I won't mention in detail.
As with most work, I can't say much about exactly what I'm doing. Most of you who know me know what I'm doing and the rest can just guess!
Its now 12.35am as I am writing this. I just got home not long ago. My training will only end at 11pm from now on! I don't really like the timing cos its like an ''in between'' time. Starts in the middle of the afternoon and ends late at night. Can't really meet up with friends cos they all working in the morning and can't meet them at night too cos its too late! Why coudln't I have been given the one that ends at 3pm? Haha...
At least I have 1 friends through all this... Sharilyn whom I've known for quite a while now! We're in different groups so can only see each other in passing but its better than nothing! By the time I come home, I think there's just enough time to watch something online while my hair dries or go my usual sites, then go to sleep, wake up in time for brunch and its off to work again! I hope the pace picks up! :)
As with most work, I can't say much about exactly what I'm doing. Most of you who know me know what I'm doing and the rest can just guess!
Its now 12.35am as I am writing this. I just got home not long ago. My training will only end at 11pm from now on! I don't really like the timing cos its like an ''in between'' time. Starts in the middle of the afternoon and ends late at night. Can't really meet up with friends cos they all working in the morning and can't meet them at night too cos its too late! Why coudln't I have been given the one that ends at 3pm? Haha...
At least I have 1 friends through all this... Sharilyn whom I've known for quite a while now! We're in different groups so can only see each other in passing but its better than nothing! By the time I come home, I think there's just enough time to watch something online while my hair dries or go my usual sites, then go to sleep, wake up in time for brunch and its off to work again! I hope the pace picks up! :)
Friday, February 12, 2010
CNY prep
Chinese New Year is coming! I've been quite busy preparing for it. Since I'm still stuck at home for now waiting for work to start, I decided to help my mum out. I practically cleaned the whole kitchen, cleaned the bar counter (except for the wine and liquor cos I like the dust on them!), swept certain parts of the ceiling, cleaned every corner of my room and almost every other detail in my house. I'm like ready to be a housewife! Haha... I mentioned to my mum that I don't think my friends do this much for spring cleaning. Also, I noticed that since I graduated, I've never been employed during the X'mas and CNY period! Maybe that's why? I dunno... Friends, do you spring clean the house?
Yesterday (10Feb) was my dog Dixie's 3rd death anniversary. I'm totally ok with it now. We occasionally mention her in conversation and talk of her stupid but adorable habits. Like she always stood staring at the door wanting to go out then the moment you let her go out, she wants to come in again! And when she wants food and you ask her to do 1 trick like sit, she'll end up doing all she knows so you can give it to her faster! And when she smells something she doesn't like, she'll put her nose underneath her left hind leg and walk away! I miss you Dixie. And I generally miss having something furry around the house (besides the dust bunnies). This after falling in love with a chewing guinea pig at great world city!
Valentine's Day is coming up. Went to watch the movie Valentine's Day today. Never really bothered about that day cos its my mum's birthday. In a way, I'm really glad cos I know that my family would somehow have to celebrate her birthday together, so I'll never be alone. I shudder to think how alone I'd be if my mum's birthday wasn't on that day!
After finally receiving the start date of my work (22Feb), I'm glad to report that my mental health is better! I keep myself busy with spring cleaning and I don't have depressive thoughts about 80% of the time. Just as well... the previous posts that I mentioned my depressive feelings could just as well have been suicide letters cos no one bothered to ask. Not even a mention on my tag board. Considering taking it down... Hmm...
Only a few more days before CNY! Have a feeling it'll be an interesting one. Hopefully a good interesting! :)
Yesterday (10Feb) was my dog Dixie's 3rd death anniversary. I'm totally ok with it now. We occasionally mention her in conversation and talk of her stupid but adorable habits. Like she always stood staring at the door wanting to go out then the moment you let her go out, she wants to come in again! And when she wants food and you ask her to do 1 trick like sit, she'll end up doing all she knows so you can give it to her faster! And when she smells something she doesn't like, she'll put her nose underneath her left hind leg and walk away! I miss you Dixie. And I generally miss having something furry around the house (besides the dust bunnies). This after falling in love with a chewing guinea pig at great world city!
Valentine's Day is coming up. Went to watch the movie Valentine's Day today. Never really bothered about that day cos its my mum's birthday. In a way, I'm really glad cos I know that my family would somehow have to celebrate her birthday together, so I'll never be alone. I shudder to think how alone I'd be if my mum's birthday wasn't on that day!
After finally receiving the start date of my work (22Feb), I'm glad to report that my mental health is better! I keep myself busy with spring cleaning and I don't have depressive thoughts about 80% of the time. Just as well... the previous posts that I mentioned my depressive feelings could just as well have been suicide letters cos no one bothered to ask. Not even a mention on my tag board. Considering taking it down... Hmm...
Only a few more days before CNY! Have a feeling it'll be an interesting one. Hopefully a good interesting! :)
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Useless Sat night fact
While surfing Wikipedia, I came across something called 'Irritable Male Syndrome'. Haha! Who knew they had a term for irritating males? Kidding...
It is actually a recently coined term for a set of symptoms thought to be caused by a drop in testosterone levels in male mammals. Like a male menopause?
But still, can't deny the fact of the words... Irritable Male Syndrome is just a ''bowel movement'' away from Irritable Bowel Syndrome! :)
It is actually a recently coined term for a set of symptoms thought to be caused by a drop in testosterone levels in male mammals. Like a male menopause?
But still, can't deny the fact of the words... Irritable Male Syndrome is just a ''bowel movement'' away from Irritable Bowel Syndrome! :)
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Am I really doing this again? I'm scared.
I just had a rather nice day doing the whole lunch and movie thing with mum. Then dinner with sis. Played Sims. Chatted online with friends. No ordinary firends but my closest friends. And just cos of 1 small thing that happened. 1 small thing of them not really listening to what I was saying. And I feel like curling up in a (big) ball on my bed, letting it all flow out until it stops.
Where does it even come from? Why is it here? I'm controlling back something that probably shouldn't be here in the first place. They're asleep now. The silence is deafening.
why?
i don't wanna feel like this. I thought the hormones were supposed to be over and done with.
Don't even know how to end this post.
I just had a rather nice day doing the whole lunch and movie thing with mum. Then dinner with sis. Played Sims. Chatted online with friends. No ordinary firends but my closest friends. And just cos of 1 small thing that happened. 1 small thing of them not really listening to what I was saying. And I feel like curling up in a (big) ball on my bed, letting it all flow out until it stops.
Where does it even come from? Why is it here? I'm controlling back something that probably shouldn't be here in the first place. They're asleep now. The silence is deafening.
why?
i don't wanna feel like this. I thought the hormones were supposed to be over and done with.
Don't even know how to end this post.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
2009 in review
It was a tumultuos and also peaceful year. Let's see... I was unemplyed for almost half a year and the other half a year OF MY LIFE was consumed by my first serious job (with a career path). I learned A LOT this year from that job. It was certainly very challenging, a test of your pateince, endurance and brains and I'm not shy to admit that I was not very good at it! Haha... At least now I know that I do not want to head down the Media career path. I just think that a job should just be a job. It shouldn't consume your life and affect your relationships with family and friends like mine did. If a job should affect those aspects, maybe it'd be a job like social work or something, where you're actually helping out peopl's lives ya know? Not a ruthless , meaningless, behind-the-scenes media career.
The highlight was meeting a lot of people I probably wouldn't have met in normal life. Most famous person I met? Either Stef Sun or JJ Lin... whichever is more famous. Getting to see the difference between many performers in real life and how they are on stage is fascinating! Getting to see the Idol hopefuls before they learn to perform on TV was real cute too. Only wish it hadn'ts taken up so much of my life. Ya know... when you're young, a few weeks is like an eternity!
Enough on work.... I didn't get to go to as many concerts as I'd like. Not that I couldn't afford it, but cos of scheduling conflicts. I hope I can go to more concerts this year!
Turned the big 21... Spent that shopping with family in KL for the first time. Cos of work, I didn't have time to organize a party. But had a rather pleasant, albeit short time in KL. Lots of other people had their 21st birthday party and cos I was unemployed, was very broke from all the presents I had to get. Now thinking of holding a little 22nd birthday party this year. Maybe....
Love life is DEAD. Of all the things I can do, the things I have achieved in my own small way, that is the one thing I have absolutely no idea on. I've been pretty ok with that fact for a long time. But that was cos I usually had some other distraction like school or work. When the unemployment started, that's when the doubting of myself started. It wasn't cos of the love life thingy, but me and my life in general. Like, why am I even here??? I am my own worst enemy. This year was the first time I had to research about depression on the internet. Mixed feelings about what I found out and what I had to deal with. Laughed unhealthily when no one seemed to notice anything. Ha. Ha. Now wish I had money to maaaaybe see someone just to get an opinion. This may not be as serious as I think it is after all... ?
Moving on! Overall, its been a pretty blah year. I honestly don't know what to think about it. 2008 was a great year so maybe 2009 pales in comparison? I learned a lot about myself in 2009 and I hope to use what I learnt in 2010! Here's hoping that 2010 is better for me and even better for everyone else out there!
Happy new year! :)
The highlight was meeting a lot of people I probably wouldn't have met in normal life. Most famous person I met? Either Stef Sun or JJ Lin... whichever is more famous. Getting to see the difference between many performers in real life and how they are on stage is fascinating! Getting to see the Idol hopefuls before they learn to perform on TV was real cute too. Only wish it hadn'ts taken up so much of my life. Ya know... when you're young, a few weeks is like an eternity!
Enough on work.... I didn't get to go to as many concerts as I'd like. Not that I couldn't afford it, but cos of scheduling conflicts. I hope I can go to more concerts this year!
Turned the big 21... Spent that shopping with family in KL for the first time. Cos of work, I didn't have time to organize a party. But had a rather pleasant, albeit short time in KL. Lots of other people had their 21st birthday party and cos I was unemployed, was very broke from all the presents I had to get. Now thinking of holding a little 22nd birthday party this year. Maybe....
Love life is DEAD. Of all the things I can do, the things I have achieved in my own small way, that is the one thing I have absolutely no idea on. I've been pretty ok with that fact for a long time. But that was cos I usually had some other distraction like school or work. When the unemployment started, that's when the doubting of myself started. It wasn't cos of the love life thingy, but me and my life in general. Like, why am I even here??? I am my own worst enemy. This year was the first time I had to research about depression on the internet. Mixed feelings about what I found out and what I had to deal with. Laughed unhealthily when no one seemed to notice anything. Ha. Ha. Now wish I had money to maaaaybe see someone just to get an opinion. This may not be as serious as I think it is after all... ?
Moving on! Overall, its been a pretty blah year. I honestly don't know what to think about it. 2008 was a great year so maybe 2009 pales in comparison? I learned a lot about myself in 2009 and I hope to use what I learnt in 2010! Here's hoping that 2010 is better for me and even better for everyone else out there!
Happy new year! :)
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