Useless Sat night fact

While surfing Wikipedia, I came across something called 'Irritable Male Syndrome'. Haha! Who knew they had a term for irritating males? Kidding...

It is actually a recently coined term for a set of symptoms thought to be caused by a drop in testosterone levels in male mammals. Like a male menopause?

But still, can't deny the fact of the words... Irritable Male Syndrome is just a ''bowel movement'' away from Irritable Bowel Syndrome! :)

Am I really doing this again? I'm scared.

I just had a rather nice day doing the whole lunch and movie thing with mum. Then dinner with sis. Played Sims. Chatted online with friends. No ordinary firends but my closest friends. And just cos of 1 small thing that happened. 1 small thing of them not really listening to what I was saying. And I feel like curling up in a (big) ball on my bed, letting it all flow out until it stops.

Where does it even come from? Why is it here? I'm controlling back something that probably shouldn't be here in the first place. They're asleep now. The silence is deafening.

why?

i don't wanna feel like this. I thought the hormones were supposed to be over and done with.

Don't even know how to end this post.

2009 in review

It was a tumultuos and also peaceful year. Let's see... I was unemplyed for almost half a year and the other half a year OF MY LIFE was consumed by my first serious job (with a career path). I learned A LOT this year from that job. It was certainly very challenging, a test of your pateince, endurance and brains and I'm not shy to admit that I was not very good at it! Haha... At least now I know that I do not want to head down the Media career path. I just think that a job should just be a job. It shouldn't consume your life and affect your relationships with family and friends like mine did. If a job should affect those aspects, maybe it'd be a job like social work or something, where you're actually helping out peopl's lives ya know? Not a ruthless , meaningless, behind-the-scenes media career.

The highlight was meeting a lot of people I probably wouldn't have met in normal life. Most famous person I met? Either Stef Sun or JJ Lin... whichever is more famous. Getting to see the difference between many performers in real life and how they are on stage is fascinating! Getting to see the Idol hopefuls before they learn to perform on TV was real cute too. Only wish it hadn'ts taken up so much of my life. Ya know... when you're young, a few weeks is like an eternity!

Enough on work.... I didn't get to go to as many concerts as I'd like. Not that I couldn't afford it, but cos of scheduling conflicts. I hope I can go to more concerts this year!

Turned the big 21... Spent that shopping with family in KL for the first time. Cos of work, I didn't have time to organize a party. But had a rather pleasant, albeit short time in KL. Lots of other people had their 21st birthday party and cos I was unemployed, was very broke from all the presents I had to get. Now thinking of holding a little 22nd birthday party this year. Maybe....

Love life is DEAD. Of all the things I can do, the things I have achieved in my own small way, that is the one thing I have absolutely no idea on. I've been pretty ok with that fact for a long time. But that was cos I usually had some other distraction like school or work. When the unemployment started, that's when the doubting of myself started. It wasn't cos of the love life thingy, but me and my life in general. Like, why am I even here??? I am my own worst enemy. This year was the first time I had to research about depression on the internet. Mixed feelings about what I found out and what I had to deal with. Laughed unhealthily when no one seemed to notice anything. Ha. Ha. Now wish I had money to maaaaybe see someone just to get an opinion. This may not be as serious as I think it is after all... ?

Moving on! Overall, its been a pretty blah year. I honestly don't know what to think about it. 2008 was a great year so maybe 2009 pales in comparison? I learned a lot about myself in 2009 and I hope to use what I learnt in 2010! Here's hoping that 2010 is better for me and even better for everyone else out there!

Happy new year! :)

A weekend of noise

I understand your need to celebrate, I really do.... it's your special occasion, after all. But do you need the whole fucking neighbourhood to suffer in your celebration? I don't know if you can call it a celebration when the other 300 odd people in the neighbourhood is suffering. No such thing as a quiet weekend when you're celebrating!

And what is with the bad singing? REALLY? I mean, really? Its not enough that you're making NOISE, but you can't even have a little decent music?

ARGH...... SHUT UP!!!!!!

P.S. Now looking forward to going to the Idol finals to experience real singing. :)

Slacking with Mr ''URTI''

My exercise plan was going pretty well. Up until recently, I went to exercise at the gym or swim or some other activity like 2 or 3 times a week. Last week, I decided to exercise everyday. Went to gym on Mon and Tuesday, rested my muscles on Wednesday, then swimming on Thursday and Friday. I don't go out and exercise on weekends for fear of the many misbehaved kids.

This week, I went to swim 16 laps. And then I fell sick! Haha... I had had a sore throat over the weekend but nothing to worry about, then now its grown to full on phlegm. I hope its not, but it might be the beginning of the Upper Respiratory Tract Infection (URTI) again. Which, if anyone recalls, I had one earlier this year and a really bad one last year....

So now I can't even sing at home cos my voice just can't do it. I just spent the day totally slacking adn that's what compelled me to write this rather mundane post.... And hearing some advendtures from my sis who just got back from Belgium, Germany, Holland and Paris. You know, its my dream to go to that area, but our dollar is so weak among the Euro that I might not have as much fun there.... :(

Left with 100 more pages in Dracula. It's difficult to read an unabridged version of a classic book cos they really write differently in the past. And the words that I don't understand, sometimes I can't even find in the dictionary cos maybe its an old word or something.... I've been reading this 440+ page book for over a months already. Wanna faster finish it so I can go on to something much easier, like Twilight's Eclipse. Ha.

3 brothers and a distant cousin

Watched An Education at Vivo's Cinema Europa with May Ann on Monday. I liked the movie. For me, the title has a double meaning to it and I do recommend this film to young ladies like myself. Lead actor Peter Sarsgaard could have been more man candy, but I think his face and eyes make up for his lack of muscles and a lot of chest hair! I like his look but I think a lot of ladies here might not like his look, so it was an interesting casting choice!

After the show, I thought about it for a while and came to this conclusion....

Ladies and gentlemen, let me present... from left: Kiefer Sutherland (24), Peter Sarsgaard (Flightplan) and Ewan McGregor (Star Wars, Moulin Rouge) !

Someone please cast them as brothers??? They do bear a sort of resemblance to one another, no? And they do have the tendency to play troubled characters.... So I'm thinking.... 3 estranged brothers who are torn apart by a family dispute, but they have to come together to save the day! And if you really wanna make it interesting, you can let Kiefer do his ''I'm very manly, give me your gun'' thing. Peter can extort money out of someone, while Ewan distracts them by singing his heart out! Oh, and Jude Law could play a very pretty distant cousin or something....

Something to think about........ :)

Insignificant

Referring to my previous post... Yes, the New Moon movie is better than the book. I'm so on team Jacob. Now looking forward to Cirque Du Freak the movie. Also about Vampires and I read during my secondary school days.

On another note....

I'm still waiting for my next job to start. Its been 3 months since I've been unemployed. People think its sooo easy to stay home and not do anything. Ya, you try it. See if you can stay at home, have an inquisitive, questioning mind and be completely alone with nothing to distract you from yourself. Just you and yourself in a death ring of life and questions. Ya, its easy.

With so much time to think, one thing that pops into my head is how completely and totally insignificant I feel. Recently, I went on a short trip to KL. My mum had a ton of people to inform about the trip and there were people who were like 'huh... why you going? What will we do without you?' I didn't tell anyone about the trip. I thought 'why bother?' Then, this crossed my mind.... Would anyone miss me if I'm gone?

Yes, I might look like I have the perfect life from the outside. Wake up people... NO ONE has a perfect life. I just don't tell you certain stuff and you don't bother to look deeper.

I appreciate the people in my life soooo much... just for being who you are, you are enriching my life. Did you know that?

But these days, everyone is moving on with their life and its ok! I'm happy for you!

Its just that now... its just me, my thoughts, nothing to distract me from them and no one to save me.

I dreamed I was missing you were so scared

But no one would listen cause no one else cared

After my dreaming I woke with this fear

What am I leaving when I'm done here

So if you're asking me I want you to know...

When my time comes forget the wrong that I've done

Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed

And don't resent me and when you're feeling empty

Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest

I'm scared. But that's alright... I think.